spambotIf Benjamin Franklin were around today, his third certainty in life, after death and taxes, would surely be spambots.

Our new, content-fuelled website has only been up and running for a couple of weeks but, like Monty Python in their prime, the spam is flowing freely.

We’re going to give you a few tips to shoot down the WordPress spambots – plug-ins, options and more.

But firstly, some of them are so brilliantly constructed, it seems remiss to not look at some of them in further detail.

Let’s start with this little beauty from someone who goes by the email name of Wigington Lovejoy (who is definitely a real person.)

robot_head

“You are in fact a superb webmaster. Your website reloading speed can be remarkable. The idea form of can feel that you are accomplishing almost any unique secret. Likewise, A belongings are generally must-see. you’ve executed a great activity during this topic!”

This just sounds like a character from a fantasy fiction adventure: ‘My name is Wigington Lovejoy and, if you’d permit me to say, you are indeed a superb webmaster, and holder of the key to the realm.’ Accomplishing any unique secret sounds mysterious too.

robojockey

“Allt faller!! Mycket roliga 盲mnen i trailsen som inte ska finnas d盲r.”

Wasn’t really sure what to make of this at first, but a quick Google Translate reveals that Swedish spambots talk just as much nonsense as English ones. So…’Everything falls!! Very funny substances in trailsen that should not be dar.” Indeed. Something we can all relate to, whatever country we’re in.

Toy_robot

“I like this post, enjoyed this one regards for putting up. ”Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee and just as hard to sleep after.” by Anne Morrow Lindbergh.”

Nice try intellectual spambot, but we’re on to you. Throw in a quote and people are sure to believe you right? Shame it bears no relevance to anything in the post or the rest of the comment. Close but no cigar.

Robo twat

“Heya i’m for that major moment below. I stumbled upon this kind of mother board and i also in finding It truly useful & the item helped me outside a great deal. I really hope to provide a little something back along with aid people as if you helped me.”

Not entirely sure what the major moment below is but we’re certainly intrigued.

robo2

“Great website right here! Also your internet site so much up quickly! Just what exactly web host will you be the usage of? Am i allowed to was helping your affiliate marketing web page link on your variety? I wish our web page filled as quickly while yours hehe”

This quote works so much better when read allowed so feel free to make a fool of yourself in the office by doing just that. This almost has a Shakespearean flow to it in many ways, if Shakespeare had totally lost the plot and sat around in his pants all day, spouting random sentences. But nothing quite compares to this next nonsensical mess which is pure genius.

Blue-Robot

“I beloved as much as you will obtain carried out right here. The cartoon is attractive, your authored subject matter stylish. nonetheless, you command get got an nervousness over that you want be turning in the following. ill for sure come further beforehand again as precisely the similar just about very ceaselessly within case you protect this hike.”

If you’re a fan of the written word then we challenge you to come up with any combination of words which disseminates the English language so gracefully as this spambot does. It’s borderline genius and made us chuckle like warthogs. Again, read aloud for maximum effect.

Shoot Them Down

As entertaining as they can be, it gets to a point when spambot attacks become so regular as to be frustratingly annoying. So how to shoot them down?

Well, the first thing to do is go to Settings>Discussion and adjust your moderation settings.

You want an email whenever someone (or something,) posts a comment so you can either approve or not.

This allows you to be in control of your comments section and if any does slip through the net, you can catch them before they go on to your site.

475px-Keck_laser_at_night-2All very well, but we want something to stop these robo-irritants.

WordPress offers numerous options but by far the most comprehensive is Akismet, an essential tool in the battle against these evil comments box invaders.

For personal use it’s free, for businesses as little as $5 a month, a small price to pay for software which learns on the job, analysing any comment, pingback or trackback on your site to give an automatic spam rating

Another great plug-in is the not-particularly-originally-titled-but-tremendously-effective Stop Spammers. This aggressively targets spammers, checking them against existing databases but also by measuring behaviours of the user.

If it looks like spam behaviour (comments left too quickly, users cookies turned off, anonymizing software installed etc,) it will be blocked.

You may get one or two of the sneaky ones make their way through but, for the most part, these three steps should eradicate the spammy problem for good.

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I’m the Head of Content for Future Content and the man in charge of words. As a former journalist for a number of publications, from Chat to MailOnline to that’s Shanghai, I have a wealth of editorial experience and a way of making words do good.